The Shenoa Report
October 5, 2023
Regular Season Week 5
Yeah, it’s going to be a long season. Obviously I’m speaking from the perspective of a Giants fan and fantasy manager. I lost to my partner 109-84. Ugh. I didn’t even break 100. My partner started Danny Jones who finished the week with a whopping 8.72 points, George Kittle with 1.9 points, and a New Orleans defense with 2 points. And he still kicked my ass. Usually I can reason away a fantasy loss if the Giants win… Well, you know what? The Giants SUCK. Like I said, it’s going to be a long season.
You know what else sucks besides the Giants? Cancer. Cancer SUCKS! I’m sure you all have been personally affected by that horrible word. October is Crucial Catch month in the NFL. Throughout the month, while watching the NFL you’ll see some rainbow colors on uniforms, as well as some colorful abstract/geometric patterns on hats and hoodies. This is to show support, raise awareness, and bring attention to cancer, research, those lost, and the survivors. Since 2009, the first year of the NFL's Crucial Catch campaign, the NFL’s work has raised more than $27 million for the American Cancer Society and has supported over 657,800 cancer screenings. When you buy anything with the Crucial Catch logo on it from the NFL shop all proceeds go towards cancer research. The NFL does not retain any profits generated by royalties received due to the sale of Crucial Catch products. All dollars are donated to the American Cancer Society. Cancer sucks. Please, get yourself checked, early detection saves lives.
Week 5 starts bye weeks, so if you are a Browns, Seahawks, Chargers, or Bucs fan your team CAN’T lose this week!
I had decent picks this past week going 12-4. Now for the recap of week 4.
Lions @ Packers 34-20
Here’s a fun fact. The Lions now have beaten the Packers 4 consecutive times. It’s safe to say that the Packers are not the threat they once were just a couple of seasons ago. It’s also safe to say that the Lions are an actual threat, which has really never happened before. Former Bear, David Montgomery, likes his new gig as a Lion. He’d never beaten the Packers as a Bear but as a Lion he had 3 rushing touchdowns, 141 total yards and 34.1 fantasy points. I think Montgomery likes being a Lion. I also think that the Lions fans are cool with all these wins.
Falcons @ Jaguars 7-23
I didn’t really wake up in time to watch the whole game but it went just about as I expected. I had decided to bench Christian Kirk which was a dumb decision on my part as he was the only one of my wide receivers to get double digit points on Sunday. The Jags truly felt like the home team even if they were playing across the pond.
Miami @ Bills 20-48
It was good to see Miami knocked down a few pegs. You can’t win by 50 every week, sometimes you can lose by 28. The Bills looked great. Maybe I’ll be an honorary Bills fan this season. Josh Allen had four passing touchdowns and 320 passing yards. He’s a beast. Stephan Diggs is also a tremendous player. He had 6 receptions for 120 yards and 3 touchdowns. It was nice to see a NY team win for a change.
Broncos @ Bears 31-28
I was talking to a girl friend last week about football. It was a great conversation. Taylor Swift was the topic. Shocking, I know. She was telling me that it was a tough week for her husband because he’s a Bears fan and the Bears had been the butt of many jokes because of their loss to the Chiefs last week. To which I said, at least he’s not a Broncos fan. They lost 70-20…. She had no idea. She’s a Swifty and had been totally engulfed by all that media craziness. Anyway, we had a good laugh and then I said that the Bears were playing the Broncos this week so maybe they can right their ship. Yeah. That didn’t happen. Now the Bears are the butt of a lot more jokes. But look, the Broncos bounced back after a HUMILIATING loss last week. Go Broncos?
Ravens @ Browns 28-3
Sometimes it’s funny to read my prediction for the games after they’ve been played. For example, last week I wrote, “The Browns defense is so good. I think they have the edge. I am going to pick the Browns to win this game.” I couldn’t have been any more wrong! What happened to the Browns? I guess I didn’t realize how important Deshawn Watson was to the Browns offense. Watson didn’t play because of a right shoulder injury sustained a week prior. Dorian Thompson-Robinson, a fifth-round pick rookie, had to start in his place. He did not fare well. Cleveland only scored a field goal in the first quarter. And that was it.
Steelers @ Texans 6-30
Also, this from last week, “The Steelers also have a really good defense. Therefore, I am going to pick the Steelers to win this game.” Sometimes when my picks are wrong, they are very wrong. I’m not sure what happened to the Steelers? Sure Kenny Pickett went out late in the 3rd quarter with a knee injury but he had only thrown for 114 yards and an interception. His backup, Mitch Trubisky, threw for 18 yards the rest of the game. But, I was talking about how good the Steelers defense was. Well, not this week. C.J. Stroud threw for 306 yards and two touchdowns in this win with the Texans. Stroud is also the first rookie since the merger with 250 yards, two touchdown passes, and no interceptions in three straight games.
Vikings @ Panthers 21-13
The Panthers looked decent in the first half and actually had the lead going into halftime. But then the second half started and the Vikings dominated. Minnesota shut out the Panthers in the second half and scored two touchdowns to give them the lead and the win. Sorry Panthers fans.
Rams @ Colts 29-23 OT
The Rams had built up quite a lead going into the half, shutting out the Colts in the first two quarters. Matt Stafford, who took a hard hit late in the third quarter had to play the rest of the game with a painful hip injury. I think the injury sparked a Colts comeback. But, it was Matt Stafford, playing through the pain, who threw a touchdown pass in overtime to Puka Nacua to seal the win.
Buccaneers @ Saints 26-9
I think that Baker Mayfield is very much enjoying his new team. The Bucs are killing it! The only thing missing for Tampa is Uncle Lenny. I wonder what Leonard Fornette is doing nowadays? Baker had 3 touchdown passes to Derek Carr’s 0. And the Bucs defense kept Alvin Kamara to just 51 rushing yards.
Commanders @ Eagles 31-34 OT
This game was super close. So close it went into overtime to decide a winner. The Commanders did a really good job of holding the Eagles to multiple field goals and that's what kept them in the game. Jake Elliott had 4 field goals, the last one came in overtime for the win. Yes, the Eagles are 4-0. Have they looked good doing so? No they have not.
Bengals @ Titans 3-27
What in the world is wrong with the Bengals?!?! They made the Titans look good. The Titans are not good. The only good player on the Titans right now is Derrick Henry. Sorry DeHop, you used to be good but with your quarterback you might as well have the name Garrett Wilson and be playing for the Jets… So much potential, wasted. Derrick Henry had one rushing touchdown and one passing touchdown in this win over Cincinnati. Henry is a running back not a quarterback. Maybe next week Henry can throw a couple of touchdown passes to DeHop and get him back into the game. No, that won’t work, my opponent in week 5 has Henry in her lineup.
Raiders @ Chargers 17-24
The Chargers dominated on offense and defense. Justin Herbert had two rushing touchdowns and one passing touchdown to Keenan Allen. Khalil Mack had 6 sacks on the defensive side. Herbert played through injury in the second half after he got the middle finger of his left hand caught in the helmet of a defender after throwing his only interception. The Raiders tried to rally in the second half but it was too little too late.
Patriots @ Cowboys 3-38
The Cowboys handed Bill Belichick his worst loss in his entire professional coaching career. Let that sink in. This includes games when he was the assistant coach as well. Insane. I don’t like giving out compliments to the Cowboys, but their defense is legit. I wish the Giants could have a defense like that.
Cardinals @ 49ers 16-35
Frickin’ Christian McCaffrey scored 4 touchdowns in this rout over Arizona. He almost had the franchise record with a fifth touchdown but the 49ers coach had Brock Purdy run in the last touchdown of the day.
Chiefs @ Jets 23-20
Taylor Swift was in the building and the Chiefs are 2-0 when she is in attendance but the Chiefs need to play better ball. They got the win but, like the Eagles, it wasn’t pretty. Patrick Mahomes had 2 really dumb interceptions and the Chiefs defense allowed the stupid Jets to come back. Did I mention my fantasy team SUCKED this week? I started both Mahomes and the Chiefs D. This was a frustrating game to watch but not as bad as the Monday night game…
Seahawks @ NY Giants 24-3
At least we scored a field goal so we weren’t completely shut out like week one?… No, there are no silver linings. My team, the NY Football Giants, are an embarrassment. EMBARRASSMENT. I don’t understand. After last season? What in the world? I am at a loss for words. I could just copy and paste what I’ve said weeks prior. Our O-line is non-existent. We are not competitive at all. Saquon is our MVP because when he isn’t in the game we have no chance. It’s going to be a long long long long season.
WEEK 5
Thursday, October 5th
Bears (0-4) @ Commanders (2-2) (8:15pm PRIME VIDEO)
Sorry Bears fans, you are going to lose this game too. I’m picking the Commanders for the win.
Sunday, October 8th
Jaguars (2-2) @ Bills (3-1) (9:30am NFLN)
Note the time and where to watch. The second London game of the season will be played at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. The Jags just won last week at Wembley but now take on the Bills who are the “home team.” Jacksonville has the advantage as they’ve been in England for weeks now. They’ve acclimated nicely. I’m still picking the Bills to win this game. They are the better team. Go Bills!
Titans (2-2) @ Colts (2-2) (1pm CBS)
Who the heck knows!? I don’t think either team is that good. And on top of that I don’t think I’ve had a correct pick for either of these teams for the past 4 weeks. Soooo, I guess I’ll pick the Colts to win? Wait, the Colts are winless at home. But the Titans are winless on the road. Ugh. Titans win. Final answer. You’re welcome Colts fans, this will pretty much insure a win for you.
Saints (2-2) @ Patriots (1-3) (1pm CBS)
Here’s something new, the Patriots are also winless at home this season. I think that changes this week. I am picking the Patriots to win this game over the Saints.
Ravens (3-1) @ Steelers (2-2) (1pm CBS)
Being that I have George Pickens on my fantasy team I’d really like to see him have a good game. I don’t know how that’ll go with Kenny Pickett injured. I guess I’m picking the Ravens to win this game.
Texans (2-2) @ Falcons (2-2) (1pm FOX)
I’m picking the Falcons to get the win at home, but I’m hoping it’s a high scoring game because I’ve got some Texans wide receivers that I might start this week. Though I haven’t decided yet.
Panthers (0-4) @ Lions (3-1) (1pm FOX)
Yeah, the Lions are the real deal and will beat the Panthers in this game of the cats. Meow?
NY Giants (1-2) @ Dolphins (3-1) (1pm FOX)
Nope. I don’t have to pick a winner. I know that Miami has already won this game. I think a bold prediction would be that the Giants don’t win another game this season. Change my mind.
Bengals (1-3) @ Cardinals (1-3) (4:05pm FOX)
I mean, with the way the Bengals have been playing, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m picking the Cardinals to win this game.
Eagles (4-0) @ Rams (2-2) (4:05pm FOX)
I’m picking the Eagles to win this game but I don’t like it, and I really hope I’m wrong. Also, I just copy and paste that sentence from week to week. Just so you know.
Jets (1-3) @ Broncos (1-3) (4:25pm CBS)
The Broncos haven’t won at home and the Jets haven’t won on the road yet this season. This game will probably end in a tie. I am picking the Jets to win this game, though I’m not sure why.
Chiefs (3-1) @ Vikings (1-3) (4:25pm CBS)
I am picking the Chiefs to win this game. And for the love of god, please be more dominant in doing so this week. Thanks. Love, Shenoa and Taylor Swift, and all the Chiefs and Swifty fans out there.
Cowboys (3-1) @ 49ers (4-0) (8:20pm NBC)
This game will put both teams to the test. I’m picking the 49ers for the win and I hope they beat the Cowboys as badly as the 49ers beat the Giants and as badly as the Cowboys beat the Giants. Yeah! That badly! Go 49ers!
Monday, October 9th
Packers (2-2) @ Raiders (1-3) (8:15pm ABC/ESPN)
The Raiders have not won at home yet this season while the Packers have won on the road. It really depends on what version these teams decide to start. I’ve been picking the Packers to win with minimal success. I’m going to do it one more time. I’m picking the Packers to win this game.
GO G-MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for the edit Eric!
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